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You’ve given me no reason to keep a guard up

But darling don’t you know, 

The simplicity in reason, and all of its peacefulness

Is so easily out-romanticized by the courage and determination it must take you

To silence my inner demons

And prove to my fragile heart that I can learn to believe again

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I’m obsessive, I’m possessive 

I read too much into things 

And I speak on all my questions 

I’m not tryin to punish you for the actions of my exes

I know you deserve a fresh start, you’ve never broken my heart

But I can’t just wipe the slate clean, and forget all of the pain that once left me scarred 

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So I did some self assessing, analyzed my own behavior and came to a self assessment

I mean shit, I had to teach me about me before I could ask you to understand me too

Come take a tour of my blessed and wretched soul

And learn the reason why I can’t half love you, only whole

This is Ill Mind Eight, I’m gonna call it “Confession”

I’m taking the stage to explain why I jump so quick to protect us

This is nudity in a poem, in case you’ve never read it

This is what happens when a writer stops caring about the critics

In case you’ve never witnessed it

This is what happens when a writer makes herself transparent

And she lays her soul down on the keyboard, bare and naked 

For all to see 

In hopes her readers find their own answers and freedom

In all that’s left of her, and her shattered and broken pieces 

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I don’t want you to get the misconception 

That I have a “glass half full” perception on our love

I know I’ve said it enough, but I’m writing it out for you now so it’s documented for the both of us

Here’s my confession, my heart is in your possession

Your demand is my request

All the scars from my past will soon be forgotten

Just be patient with me as my heart realizes betrayal is no longer common

And in this love we have, it’s not even an option

Cause I promise 

I’m working on healing from the heartache and drama I’m used to

I don’t expect to feel pain from you

But my brain is slower to trust than my heart is

And stubborn enough to question the obvious truth

And what I meant when I said “the truth” just now is this

The truth when you tell me you love me, the faithfulness in your kiss

The truth when you listen to me tell you about the other men I have been with

And you promise me that you’ll never treat me the way they did

The truth I feel when your fingers interlock with mine,

And I know that your hand is mine to hold at any given time

The truth that I see clear as day when I look into your eyes, it cannot be denied 

That I am yours, and you are all mine 

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You’ll see how cheap some of my words can be, and you’ll learn to tell the difference

Between my breath wasting sentences 

And my words that are spoken with significance 

I’m admitting to fault, and apologizing in advance

I need you to understand why my insecurities and doubts leave me overwhelmed

I know I don’t always handle it well, but just take the time to learn me well

And I’m confident the truth behind my intentions will become unveiled 

I just gotta put my own demons to bed

The pain from my past is not irrelevant

I’m not still sad over it, I’m just in redevelopment 

I trust you completely, my progress is evident

Just be patient and confident

I’m hard to love but I love with my all, you can count on this 

I know what we have is different than either of us are used to

We are having to grow up together, we are both  healing some old wounds

We are fighting some of the same battles, depending on one another to set a good example

And we’re losing and we’re failing a little

And we’re winning some but we’re still fragile, cause it’s not simple

This love is so original, I couldn’t have seen it coming

Nothing like a country love song, or a Nicholas Sparks movie

This is uphill, it’s gonna take a lot of work

But I’m a thousand percent confident that you and I are competent of making it work 

The people who have had my heart before, who had the power to hurt me once but don’t anymore

Fuck ‘em, they can take a shit. I’m taking what’s mine 

Happiness in my love life is past it’s due time

I guess it’s true the beauty of the view is earned during the climb

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I overthink everything

But hand in hand

Comes the trait of over loving, too

And I’m sorry to say baby

But I just can’t fight the urge to over love you.

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