a preview of a piece i have been working on entitled Fighting for Kalopsia
“..
be there at 2 am when it’s only them
and they are questioning their worth
when they don’t know who they are
or how to form the words
they are feeling
when theres only one thing they’ve had the energy to do –
it’s sleeping.
for the lucky ones
some can’t even get that, though
they lie awake, or try to chase away the pain
with a drink, a smoke, a needle,
and some try love
and some don’t even fake it
they just go out, finding a half hour relationship
and you know what?
at least they get that
cause in reality all this life is about
is human after human,
trying to see who can
act like they got it all together
while in reality all we do is
race until we fall apart”
as the man took a small step back
confused, and feeling attacked
he noticed her eyes
and watched them closely
looking for a spark of light
but the dimness overwrote any
and he noticed all of the woman’s
frustrations
had dust on them
had rust on them
had been sitting so long
some are probably long gone
-rest in peace-
she buried her pain in a random
empty hole in her heart
one of many,
he could tell she had a dark
mentality, but
what she didn’t know
just because he has money now doesn’t mean he’s got everything,
it ain’t a case closed
so he spoke up and said
“wait
you ain’t the only one who’s got something to say
you think i don’t know pain?
you think i got the easy way?
you think i never struggled to get a plate?
i’ve been where you are
i see the pain you try to hide
in your eyes
but i’m telling you on your own,
you’re gonna stay miserable
i had to chase the colors of the rainbow
just to try to paint some color on me
cause this life turned me invisible
even to this day
i grow tired of hurting and i pray,
God i long to skip on to the next chapter
the rapture
after life
and escape my mind
i’ll wear a thousand faces,
just to hide mine
you talkin about 2 am,
woman if you don’t quit
acting like you’re the only victim
i’ve been there, okay, not everyone has,
but i’m telling you i can recognize your unbearable pain
like it’s my own grandad
my damn family acted like i was the problem
they couldn’t solve me, they couldn’t understand
why i hurt so much, my dad said i wasn’t
“actin’ like a man”
and i guess they were right,
i can be so damn bitter
but sister,
i decided i wasn’t gonna let the pain
stop me
so i asked the preacher – wash me
i’m all in
and when the water wet my head
the pain
it faded
and then it was gone
and i’m trying to tell you
if it weren’t for that decision
i was ready to go missin’
so yeah i do try to
help others
those who’ll admit they need it or those who won’t
cause the truth is
when we all unravel
we all find hurt
and scars
and cracks in our hearts
that are truly unbearable
a little gesture of kindness
to a stranger
telling someone you’ll
see them later
or to have a good day, does
not make you a wannabe
perfect Christian
doesn’t make you look like you
think you perfect
all it does is
show you that you
are not gonna hide behind
the walls to cry
and make everyone else wonder why”
