i stopped bitching at him
i know where he’s been, i know what he did
but i’m not bitching at him

i’m not crying anymore
i have more reason to cry now than i ever did before
but i’m not crying anymore

i’m not mad he lied, i’m not mad he threw away my trust
i’m not mad he put the blame on me, now enough is enough
its not anger i’m feelin’ cause i’m not mad at him
it’s disgust.

my main focus is to remain focused
lately he’s been the coldest and left me unnoticed
he threw away my love but shit i’m the goldest
one day he’ll know this, too bad it’ll be too late
i’m turning soulless

i read this quote,
“most of our lives are spent convincing our minds of what the heart already knows.”
that’s by edgar holmes, not edgar poe
that hit me hard, like i feel exposed
i love too much, so i hurt too much, i suppose
maybe it’s time to take a break from love, lock down my heart like it’s foreclosed
i dunno
they say women are attached to men with deeper scars
like it’s that womanly “desire to nurture” that we got cursed with
but sometimes that shit is just for the worst
cause instead of healing his broken soul,
he just ends up breaking her

that won’t be my outcome
not this time, not this one
he loved me better than anyone ever has before
but i have two kids now, and i love them more
i have to keep my sanity, i can’t worry about whether or not he still wants to be a family
i love him with my all, and i would stand by him through whatever
as long as i knew he loved me with his all too, we could be together forever.
because when the love is true, and from the heart
i just really believe the relationship won’t be this hard

i know what it’s like to be loved by dj, like we’re a perfect match
a rom-com cliche
but i also know what it’s like for him to walk away and leave me in dismay
feeling betrayed
and you don’t hurt the people you love, you love the people you love
and you cherish each others trust
and when you care, when you hurt, it shows
you don’t let it go, you cry, and argue, and work it out, and then you grow

you have to team up together to fight life’s battles
and hold sacred to your relationship
do everything you can possibly do to save it
because if you don’t work it out,
each and every argument, if you don’t talk it out
your problems will outweigh your strengths
and you’ll give in to the resentment, and you’ll stop fighting
and that’s when your chances of reviving your love start declining
so what do you think i meant when i said i quit bitching at him and i’m done crying

im back @evadence, you missed me, made it evident
i’m humble not arrogant, won’t say i write pure excellence
i just got sad and logged in, guess rhyming is my medicine
til i heal and cut ties again
i told you this
i stop bitching and then next comes severance.

“Every word has consequences.
Every silence, too.”

— jean paul – sartre

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